Minutes from an extraordinary meeting of the minds.
Cor Vos
SCENE: A meeting of the Flemish Association of Merckx Sculptors (FAMS), in a small function room off a dingy pub in the worst part of Antwerp. There are four attendees: JOOP (president), TOM (secretary), JONAS, and PIET. All of them are old, and all of them look like they have lived several lives, often at once. As is a condition of membership, they are all wearing weathered Eddy Merckx merchandise.
FAMS has gathered for an important meeting – the work of one of its members has recently been vandalised, and urgent repairs are required.
Joop clears his throat theatrically as he clicks to slide one of the PowerPoint presentation.
Joop: Thank you all for coming to this Extraordinary General Meeting at such short notice. As you are all aware, this is a uniquely challenging time for our membership, with our work coming under attack. This we must talk about.
[general rustling, murmurs and wheezes of agreement from the other members]
Joop: You have all seen the Merckx statue in Sint-Pieters-Woluwe defaced …
Tom: Not just his face, Joop – his whole head, eh?
Joop: Quite right. And we would like to extend our thanks to the kindly children of Goudvinkenplein for finding the head in the bushes. But we now find ourselves in a predicament: we need to put the head back on, and the original sculptor, Wouter, is no longer with us.
Tom: Wouter died?
Joop: Ah, sorry! No, he just moved to Curaçao.
Jonas: [raises hand immediately] I can do the work.
Piet: [cautiously] Just a simple restoration, no, Jonas? In the original style?
Jonas: … I may have some ideas to improve it.
[Tom cackles darkly into his goblet of Leffe]
Tom: Jonas, you do not have a complementary style …
Joop: Please, Tom, let’s hear Jonas out.
Jonas: [haughtily] Thank you, Joop. I think we can keep the spirit of Wouter’s work, but add some extra flair. If you can just put on the slideshow I prepared …?
Joop puts a USB thumb-drive into the side of his brick-like Dell laptop, getting the orientation right on the third attempt, clicks through to a folder marked ‘JONAS’ BIG FOLDER OF IDEAS’, and clicks on the one file within it. The first slide flashes up on the screen, and Joop turns the screen so the other senior sculptors can see what it says.
Jonas: As you’re aware, we have a number of famous sculptures of Eddy Merckx scattered around Belgium. This is how it should be. He is the embodiment of Flandrien spirit and a national treasure. The greatest of all time. It is our responsibility to keep his legacy alive through the medium of sculpt. My daughter’s ex didn’t even know who he was! This cannot stand!
[all attendees say variants of ‘hear hear’, which in the case of Piet, mostly just sounds like an extended wheeze]
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